therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
