i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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