Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you win again, gameday.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
