remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
