We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
