Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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