dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
