I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
