Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
