I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
