my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He passed out mid-signature
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
