He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
