That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
