guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Holy sore nipples Batman
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
