I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
