Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
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do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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