Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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