Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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