Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
