theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
