everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
