ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
and she was petting her beer can
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure