Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE