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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked

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• (619): View more from California

  So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo

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• (631): View more from New York

  The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why do you think it's a no-pants party?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.

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• (209): View more from California

  I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ..... starting now

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• (631): View more from New York

  This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased

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• (951): View more from California

  I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?

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