Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love