Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
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4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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