The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
