Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's blow job season.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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