We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
