walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
