Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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