checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
