it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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