It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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