I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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