they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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