I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
