He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
