My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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