so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
