there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
