please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
