she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize