After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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