i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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