My room smells like vodka and shame
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
