We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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