This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
