No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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