Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
