We're like a lot better than the average bears
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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