What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
