There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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