Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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