she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
