she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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