So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This house was built for laser tag.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
did i just pee glitter
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
