why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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