All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
