Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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