omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
