I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
