6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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