my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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