Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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