oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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