Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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