Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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