I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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