Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
