Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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