I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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